Sunday, October 30, 2005

Old School P.E.

The starkest sign of a generation gap between me and, say, my youngest sister (she’s 25, I’m 36) is my experience of junior high P.E. versus hers. I’m surprised I’m not a Nevernude after junior high P.E. Our facilities and “Coach” were both straight out of the 50s. We had to wear uniforms (white t-shirts with navy trim, navy polyester shorts), of course, and we spent all kinds of time “crabwalking” up and down the gym floor and hucking medicine balls to each other. And, we were warned, if any of us got out of line, Coach Nichols would deliver a swift, size 13 kick in the butt. Sound bad? It gets much, much worse. Every Monday was swim day. And that meant we all had to strip down, shower up (communal showers, of course), and line up naked in the showers waiting for Coach to hand out these hideously ill-fitting brown trunks that we had to wear. I’ll never understand why we couldn’t wear our own suits. Don’t forget—this was junior high, so there was a nice mix of pre- and post-pubescence going on, just to add another layer of misery. My youngest sister, on the other hand, took aerobics in junior high. And no uniforms.

Twenty-three years later, I thought I’d left the Middle Ages of P.E. behind, but now I’ve gone back in time. My university has a completely decrepit gym and locker room but I got a faculty locker anyway so I could go lift weights on MWF. Going in there gives me serious flashbacks, but the worst is, one day I showed up and this dude, probably 30 years old, big, African American, totally dressed in street clothes, was just hanging out on the locker room bench, four feet down from my locker, leaning back against the wall and marking up some article he was reading while he munched on Fritos from his backpack. He wasn’t going anywhere, so I reached back to junior high, swallowed my modesty, and stripped down to change. It was seriously unnerving. Then two weeks later he was back!! I don’t get it. If he shows up again, I think I need to confront him, even if it means getting a size 13 kick in the butt.

10 comments:

Melissa said...

All this lining up naked sounds like a concentration camp to me. I wouldn't blame you if you were a Nevernude. I hope you never have to let the frito-eater see you naked again.

I hated P.E. and I didn't even have "old school p.e." I took Aerobics and then later begged a teacher in the history department to let me be his tennis manager for my last P.E. credit. I'll have you know I was the first and last tennis manager at North Side High School. But then again, I WAS later questioned as to whether or not I was dating the tennis coach/history professor...so maybe I should have just bitten the bullet after all and signed up for tae kwon do.

Well, this story is upsetting to say the least. But you know how I feel about the male/female locker room dichotomy...which leads me to my frequently asked question...why do men feel okay walking around and showering completely naked in front of each other, but think it's strange that girls will sleep, fully-clothed, in the same bed with each other? I don't get it.

I'm sorry this comment is practically the same length as your post, but you had to know I would have a lot to say on this subject.

Carly said...

Well, there's always the bathroom stall. That's where I change on those RARE occasions when I find myself in a locker room. I had a similar experience, only the roles were reversed. It was my 20th birthday, and I went to my locker to get my leotard (don't ask) and had a lengthy conversation with a stark naked Korean girl. She wished me a happy birthday, and it was happy...it really was.

Anonymous said...

I never had to line up in the buff, although I did have to endure 3 years of Jr High and one year of HS gym and the communal locker room and showers. I too, remained focused on my own business and lingered no longer than necessary. There was many a time I remember trying to shimmy into clothes that drug across wet body parts, just to expedite the process.

Then in high school I found it unnerving that even more parading went on in the sports jocks locker room. Not only was the uncomfortable nakedness in the shower , but it also existed in the locker area, where the privileged jocks were able to hang out and participate in scantily clad games of table tennis. Ridicule and taunting often went hand in hand as part of the right of passage from boys to men, freshman to seniors.

Now that we are into the 21st century, I can't for the life of me understand why we continue to place impressionable young men into that circumstance. I think many an inferiority complex has been embedded into the psyches of many a young man by the crude and cruel attitudes and intentions of others. You would have thought we would have recognized this by now. Guess we just chock it up to “boys will be boys”.

Melissa said...

Skewedview: Are you saying there was naked table tennis going on in your locker room???? And if so, Neil, now I am beginning to wonder about all your bragging about table tennis...

Christian F said...

Neil is really good at naked table tennis. Trust me.

Neil said...

Marcy: Aerobics? Tennis? Tae kwon do? Sounds like a P.E. paradise!! And now I know why you are so good at tennis.

Carly: I didn't know you had always been a stall woman.

Skewedview: I may be against communal locker-room showers during P.E., but I'm all for scantily clad ping pong! As were the ancient Greeks, I'm told.

Christian: Welcome to my blog. It'll never be a "Just Off the Top of My Head," but I'll do my best.

Carly said...

So, what has been happening in the locker room?? We're dying for part two of this story.

Neil said...

Carly: The dude hasn't been back yet, thank goodness. It's likely that he read my blog and was too embarrassed to come back.

Anonymous said...

Nice! Where you get this guestbook? I want the same script.. Awesome content. thankyou.
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